When You Have a Child Struggling in Kindergarten: 9 Common Struggles & Solutions

As parents, we do our best to give our children the world. We do everything we can to bring them comfort. We kiss the boo-boos, check for monsters and make sick days a little special. 

However, once our little ones are starting school for the first time, there are a lot of new challenges to navigate. Transitioning to kindy is a huge challenge for both kids and us as their parents! The last thing we want is to have a child struggling in kindergarten.

When the school year starts, we pack their lunch, help them look their best, and send them on their way. We do our best to feel confident that our care has readied them for this milestone.

What do we do if we find it’s our child struggling in kindergarten? How common is separation anxiety in 4 year olds? How do we know if fussing over clothes or fighting during the morning routine is a symptom of a bigger problem? Or is it just normal “growing pains?”

We surveyed other parents who’ve been in your shoes, along with teachers and professionals who work with children. We’ve put everything we learned into this list of 9 common starting school problems and solutions. And we hope they will help your family!

As adults, we’ve forgotten that sometimes our children have struggles that we can’t see. Sometimes it’s a matter of not noticing that we have adapted our lives to their quirks seamlessly.

Here are some things that your child may struggle with that often go unnoticed until they start kindy.

1. Anxiety

Trying something new can give anyone a case of the butterflies, but for a child struggling in kindergarten, it may be more than that. A school environment holds experiences that may be completely foreign to your child.

Plus, separation anxiety in 4-year-olds is common. When it’s time to leave mum and dad every morning, separation anxiety can kick in full-force (for mum & dad too!)

Anxiety can have physical symptoms as well as emotional ones. If your child suddenly isn’t feeling well pretty regularly with a headache, upset stomach or even constipation, these can be symptoms of anxiety.

It can be hard to tell if these are symptoms from an on-coming bug or just emotional upset. However, some parenting detective work can help.

Here’s what to do:

First off, check it from a medical perspective by looking at their diet and level of sleep. Pop in to your pediatrician’s office for a check-up. If nothing seems wrong medically, there’s a good chance those symptoms are from anxiety. It’s often very helpful to schedule an appointment with your child’s doctor alone. That way, you can talk openly about your son or daughter’s situation without them in the room.

Reassure your child that this new adventure is a wonderful thing. Let them know that you know how scary it might be – because you’ve done it too! Help them to understand that there will be some adjustments to the environment, but before long they’ll be playing with new friends and have adventures.

One tip that helps ease school anxiety is to take their mind off of their morning routine. This can easily be done by singing songs and a favorite snack on the way to school. Once your child isn’t solely focused on all the “what if’s” that school brings, they’ll calm down and start to feel better.

Some parents highly suggest doing a feelings journal every evening before bed. They said that this helped their child review and express the emotions they have throughout the day at school. It also helps the parents glean insight into their challenges and how they might be able to help.

2. Anger or Procrastinating During the Morning Routine

For some children, the difficulty of adjusting a new experience can make them cranky. They may suddenly feel as though they have no control over their situation.

Keep in mind, mum and dad that until now, their days were predictable. You were there every step of the way. School means spending time away from you, and the easiest emotion for children to express that gets a fast reaction is a rebellion.

Maybe this means refusing to go to school altogether.  Or it could be just generally fighting with you every step of the way.

Dealing with anger and frustration might be as simple as taking the time (and patience!) to sit your son or daughter down to talk to them about it during a time that’s not rushed. Ask them what they don’t like about going to school or getting ready in the morning.

Anxiety may be the culprit, as discussed above. Or there may be physical difficulties going on. If your son or daughter is sluggish while getting dressed, perhaps he’s struggling with manipulating the buttons or zippers.

Maybe the school uniform is itchy or uncomfortable. (Learn more about when being picky about clothing is more than just being fussy – it could be SPD.) Read our article here: What is SPD?

Isolating a reason for anger or procrastination in the morning would be a major win for you in helping come up with solutions to move forward.

Setting up an easy morning routine with visuals, games, songs, and reward charts are one of the most-cited solutions for family frustrations in the morning from the parents we spoke to.

3.Shyness

Not all children are social butterflies. As parents, we can miss the signs that our child is having trouble relating to people. Especially when our kids are used to spending time with other kids all the time, it’s hard to imagine that they’re shy.

The reality is that they can be comfortable with a familiar crowd but when they get to school – it’s a whole new ballgame.

Your child may have adapted well to the children in their comfort zone but that doesn’t mean they’re in a hurry to step outside it. If your normally happy child has suddenly seemed to shut down and withdraw themselves from the new environment, that’s a sign.

To help your child keep anxiety from being the reason they’re struggling in kindergarten, make sure you acknowledge your child’s feelings in a calm voice. There’s no need to get frustrated (it won’t help the situation).

Praise them on the accomplishments they have made. Even something as small as “I’m so proud of you for being brave enough to come in the classroom and sit over here.” Sure, it may not seem like a big deal to you to enter a room and pick a place to sit but to them, it took guts.

Take a moment and talk to the teacher about your concerns. Let them know the reason you think you have your child struggling in kindergarten may be just a case of shyness or jitters, but that you’d like them to keep an eye on your little one.

By bringing this to their attention, they can give your child the attention they need in a constructive way and help ease your child into the day. This way your child again feels heard but not pressured.

4. Inability to Sit Still and Focus

Sometimes when children are in a new place surrounded by toys, new people, and all kinds of fun new games to play, a switch inside them might flip. They just can’t seem to sit still. They are overexcited, intense, and hard to calm down.

As a parent, we may take this as a good sign of comfort, but it can spell trouble in the classroom. A child struggling in kindergarten often has to do with an inability to self-regulate.

Tips for them:

Before they start school, talk to your child about what to expect in the new school. Tell them what their classroom and schedule will be like. 

Remind them every day before school, too. Reiterate that at school, there is a time to play and a time to sit still.

Recess and game time are for running and screaming.

When it’s lesson time or craft time, they need to remain in their seat.

Help them to see that jumping around might spoil the craft area or accidentally hurt one of the other students.

All that non-stop talking and motion may mean they miss a great story or a chance to be part of a great adventure.

Tips for you:

Set reminders for yourself after a period of time to talk to the teacher to see if there has been any progress. If things are still difficult with your child’s hyperactivity, there could be more going on.

Is your child getting enough exercise during the day? (At least an hour in the morning and an hour in the evening).

Is anxiety causing your child to be a distraction?

Are coordination or muscular development issues (Read our article on Dyspraxia) causing your child to have a physically hard time sitting still?

Could movement breaks (such as those demonstrated by a program like CoordiKids Classroom Courses) be a solution to classroom focus problems?  It’s likely that your child is not the only child struggling in kindergarten.

5. Not Eating During Lunch at School

It’s sadly quite common for teachers to report early on that a student isn’t eating enough or at all during lunch breaks at school. This tip came from Sarah, whose son with SPD had the hardest time with lunch.

She said, “My son struggled with lunchtime almost the entire year. The noise level and chaos were too much for him, and he often came home without eating.”

Parents of children like Sarah’s could use white noise during mealtimes at home. Then, they can gradually raise the volume day after day. There are even sites like Coffitivity.com or Youtube.com where you can play restaurant and cafeteria ambient noises for free at home. 

Doing this can help to desensitize your child.  Alternatively, investigate the option of having meals in smaller groups in an outside area until your child is eating regularly.

Another consideration is that your child might be struggling to physically manipulate the lunchbox. Lunchbox clips are notoriously fiddly, and so open packaging and feeding him/herself may be a challenge. This may sound silly for a 4 or 5 year old. 

But after spending their whole life so far eating at home with you doing the bulk of the prep work, they might struggle with some of the cafeteria foods or packaging. It would be such a shame to find a child struggling in kindergarten over such a fundamental problem or avoid a sensory meltdown

Practice at home on the weekends with various lunchboxes and packaging. Then observe whether your child is struggling with fine motor skills at all.

If so, talk to an occupational therapist to develop some exercises to develop those fine motor skills a bit more. And keep the lunch equipment simple!

6. Losing Self Confidence

After years of being home with a supportive mom and dad, going gaga over everything they do, your child might suddenly face a new reality at school: sometimes they aren’t the best in the group at an activity. And you start to worry how to deal with sensory overload.

They may start to compare themselves with the children that are better at something than they are. For the first time, they realize that they do something differently from someone else. how to deal with sensory overload

This one can be hard to navigate as their parent! As they’re now a child struggling in kindergarten to find their way, you don’t want them to lose faith in themselves. 

But at the same time, everyone has different strengths. Make sure your child knows that it’s okay not to be the best at everything. Life isn’t about being perfect – what matters is their effort.

One strategy I’ve noticed working with children to build self confidence is to set up simple routines that they can be successful with every day. You might add some self-care routines that need to be easy and automatic for kids to ensure that they will cope with self-confidence.

This can be in the form of a toileting routine, morning hygiene, getting dressed, or helping with putting together their supplies and lunch for school. By practising these routines together at home every day, confidence about the daily routine and school in general seems to grow.

7. Getting Frustrated with Sports or Team Activities

Again, this is another area where you may have adapted your life subconsciously to your child’s needs. Maybe you find yourself moving things closer to your child so he or she can reach things easier or struggle less.

Maybe you’ve been helping him dress and undress because he takes too long, and you just don’t have the time to wait. Many times it relates to sensory motor skills.

In group settings like team activities and sports at school, any gaps in physical development might become more obvious.

Such a noticeable difference will likely result in the child struggling in kindergarten. These differences can be very apparent to a sensitive child.

If your little one typically loves to play ball at home, and you discover he is sitting on the sidelines at school, it might be worth trying some one-on-one sports time after school. Pay attention to where he or she might be struggling.

If gross motor skills or hand-eye coordination are a problem (Read our article on Dyspraxia) in high distraction environments, then perhaps some home exercises targeted to close developmental gaps (such as those demonstrated by a program like CoordiKids Classroom Course) might be worth looking into.

8. Struggles with Speech

Communication is another area we as parents tend to bend the rules for our children. Remember that “toddler talk” that it seemed only you could understand? Maybe they say a certain word that makes no sense to anyone else, but you know exactly what it is.

When your child gets to school, they may discover that their speech pattern isn’t like those of their classmates. This could certainly result in a child struggling in kindergarten.

Your teacher is likely to bring up any communication issues if they’re the cause of your child struggling in kindergarten. If your teacher doesn’t have any specific suggestions to help with your child’s communication situation, talk to an occupational therapist.

Speech issues can fall along a long continuum of severity – from orthodontic issues to dyspraxia (Read our article on Dyspraxia) to anxiety, to simply never having been forced to speak properly.

9. Potty Time Problems

Along the same lines as above, problems with coordination or fine motor skills will make toileting difficult at school.

Could it be that your son or daughter isn’t able to undress quickly amidst the excitement of the school day? If so, he or she may start wetting themselves uncharacteristically.

It’s never too early to start practising self-toileting routines at home with patience and calm.  This helps to ensure your child can manage the buttons and zippers on their school clothes.

Is Your Child Struggling in Kindergarten? Take-Away Points

• Some of the most common struggles children face when starting school for the first time include: anxiety, anger, losing self-confidence, inability to sit still, speech issues, frustration with group/sports activities and toileting issues.
• Pay attention to changes in your child’s behavior, and start working in time for chatting about their feelings, fears, or excitement about being at school.
• With any physical issues – talk to your doctor first. They may also recommend an occupational therapist to help work through lags in coordination or motor skills or even a common issue called sensory processing disorder (Read our article here: What is SPD?).

We hope that this list of common starting school problems and solutions will help your family through this difficult transition!