Live Q&A
Live Q&A with Marga Grey & Lizanne du Plessis – Preparing for Fireworks & Thunderstorms for Children with Different Types of Sensory Disorders
Summary & Transcript from Live Q&A on Preparing for Fireworks & Thunderstorms for Children with Different Types of Sensory Disorders
with Lizanne du Plessis, Pediatric Occupational Therapist & Parenting Mentor and Marga Grey, Pediatric Occupational Therapist.
Marga Grey, Paediatric Occupational Therapist and Lizanne du Plessis, OT, answer everyday questions parents of children with different types of sensory disorders. Today’s focus is on handling Thunderstorms & Fireworks.
QUESTION 1
My son is 5 years old; we have been trying to attend the annual fireworks in our city since he has been a baby but it always ends up in him having a huge meltdown. The family is unhappy, we miss most of the display and have to return home early. We try to prepare him by showing him fireworks on the iPad before, he is excited to go but then meltdown. I’m all stressed out this year. We have great childhood memories of family times at the fireworks but it seems he is messing it up for all of us. (3:53)
Lizanne: I remember those days and we use to celebrate fireworks in November when we lived in England for a long time. And at that point in time I also had two little ones with me one being very sensory sensitive.
So, it does bring a lot of memories. I think what we need to remember is each one of them have unique sensory temperaments and unique sensory thresholds, and this underlies our behavior and our responses to our environment. So, we need to remember that maybe your older child like in my situation my eldest did not have any problems with it, where my youngest child did.
Then we tend to be like don’t worry you will be fine when really that child is not perceiving it to be as fine. So first of all, we need to come from a place where we have empathy with our children and rather than just saying that it is going to be fine, don’t be such a baby or whatever, try to discover what is underlying the uncertainty, the behavior and the worry.
Whatever behavior the child is showing where is that coming from and how can we support them. So first of all, think as parents we need to be in a place where we come from empathy rather than from a place where we say its going to be fine.
Question 2
One of my children is fine with fireworks and the other one is not, he hates it. Why would that be? (6:32)
Marga: I think that is as Lizanne said we all have different thresholds and she mentioned that her own kids are different and I think your kids are different so we are all different and what I have found is that so many times a child would be very shy because they are different than others and they don’t know why and they often think they can handle it but in there little body they feel very different than the next person, and then they can’t understand why they are scared but the next person is not, so they think they are not brave.
But it is not that it is just because they have different sensory threshold. And I think to start off with it might just be good to understand that and give that message to your child.
It’s okay, you are different and that is not wrong to be different, it is okay to be different and then put in different strategies to help to get through something like that.
Interested in learning more about the different types of sensory disorders?
Question 3:
Are strategies something that the parents can ask one of you and book a consultation on CoordiConsult? Would it be any strategies or would it be uniquely to the child?
Marga: People are more than welcome to talk to us in that first 15minutes. Its amazing what you can say in 15 minutes or share. It is very individualized so it is not something that will work for everybody.
And even if I put a sensory lifestyle or guide in place, I always say we will have to trial, because no two persons are the same, kids don’t experience things the same, but we can certainly give and view strategies.
Lizanne:Yes, I agree as a first contact with parents what we would like to do is to get a sense of what we are dealing with so we will probably do a kind of assessment.
Whether we do that in the 15min or decide to do that or on a separate meeting and do what we call a “sensory profile” or “sensory temperament profile” so that we can find out what we are working with.
In my book Raising happy children I try and use the analogies of animals and help not only parents but children and that is also linking to your question and answer helping children identify the feelings they might have and that is unique and that is okay.
So, I try and use analogies of animals to help parents and teachers and children to identify their own sensory temperament. But also, there siblings and their friends. And I use the analogy of a Hedgehog specifically if we are talking about sensory sensitive children, because they tend to have a low threshold.
Hedgehogs remind me of those kids because they are small similar to a little or small threshold and what they do when there is stress and if we compare that to fireworks and lightning that is the unpredictability of the sounds and what is going to happen in there environment and that causes stress in the brain.
What happens with Hedgehogs they do one of two things they either crawl up into a ball in other words they want to avoid or they put out their spikes, and that could be the aggressive type of behavior that we see.
So, if we help children and parents to identify the thresholds that we are working with then according to that we can help them we can help them with strategies that work for that, and with that specific temperament, just one quick short example:
I remember driving to a birthday party once and discussing with my children who was going to be there and my 4 year old was able to identify her friends saying o so and so is the monkey and even from a very young age you can help our children identify what temperaments they have and there friends around them.
And that gives them a sense of knowing that it is okay to be different and a sense of what can I do to help them if they find themselves in the position or the environment where they feel really uncomfortable.
Question 4:
Would it be wrong to give your child notice cancelling headphones? Could that work? (11:51)I think that is one of the strategies is to if a sensitive child finds things overwhelming that we find normal or typical they find very stressful so if it is fireworks then it is noise and lots of light, and lots of people around you. So that is just being to overwhelmed.
Definitely noise cancelling headphones but don’t get it out on the evening on the way to the fireworks. Use it lots of times beforehand and get the child used to it, that you might use it when you go to the shopping mall, or use it when you go to a sport event anyplace with lots of noise.
I have children in therapy that use that when they go to school assembly because even that is too overwhelming for them so do that prior the event not on the event.
Then there are other things like if they are small you can wrap them up tightly, tight deep pressure always calms down so any strategy to calm their system down will help.
So, a blanket you can use for a little one if it is not hot, but you do get pressure garments that we spoke about in the previous session we will put the link up. So, it’s just a garment you wear under your clothes.
Rini: What about a towel?
Marga: Yes, so a towel but the kids are also sensitive so they don’t want to look different than the other children. So those garments that you wear underneath clothes help quite a bit. So, nobody sees it but the child feels more comfortable.
And with lighting you can actually but a cap or a hat on, or sunglasses, it looks funny at night time but if you have your child close to you or on your lap hold them tight, so you give them deep pressure.
Lots of sensitive people like to wear their fringe or their hair in their eyes or to cover their face or to shield out the light. So, you can definitely use a pair of sunglasses at that time.
Lizanne: I was thinking even a hoodie or a sweater with a hoodie that is very socially appropriate. That gives children a sense that they are safe.
This is what we need to get back to why do the headphones work why do we want to create a deep pressure and a sense of safeness. It’s because that is what the brain needs.
The brain is going into flight or fright what that part of the brain needs is to feel safe. So, what they need to feel is deep pressure and this is one of the senses that will make them feel safe but also self-predictability, we will talk about that.
Interested in learning more about the different types of sensory disorders?
Question 5:
I was also wondering about headphones how do you know if it’s the noise or if it’s the light and the flashing, would that also be too much? Is there a way to practice somehow to find out if the light will also bother them, I believe she is referring to the light of the fireworks So is there a way to find out if it is auditory or sensory sensitivity to the light? (15:22)
Lizanne: I think with all of these things we are always looking for a cluster of symptoms all of us have strange likes and dislikes that does not necessarily put us in a place that we have a sensory processing disorder or where we could really say we have tactile difficulty or auditory defensive.
So, it is all about a cluster. I think if we want to see or specify if it is the sound or the light then look during the day do you think your child is auditory sensitive towards other sounds for instance dogs barking a motorcycle passing or airplanes passing.
Or going to the public toilets using the hand dryers. If all of those things are something that is causing defensive or avoidance behavior in your child then it is probably more auditory sensitive.
Then on the other side lightening we can look at that does your child respond in a way where they want to cover there eyes when they walk outside the house do they complain that the sun is being too bright, do they complain when they are in the car and the sun shines in their eyes.
So, it’s about picking up on day to day living what other things are your child showing in terms of those two sensory systems. And then I think you can pin point more clearly do we need to deal with the auditory sensitivity or the visional sensitivity.
Marga: I also think we need to keep in mind that once the child is anxious of whatever they might be auditory sensitive then they become very anxious because of all the noise around them and in that state, you are sensitive to all senses.
because your body is in that flight or fight mode and then you are on high alert and you are sensitive to everything and that is what we want to avoid.
So, we don’t want to get there. We want to step in before the child gets there and often the parents say yes, I did all these strategies you mentioned but it did not work.
And when I ask when you did it, they did it after the child showed signs of anxiety already then it already will be much harder and you put more on top of the child. So, it would be better to step in as soon as possible.
One of the best things as you said Lizanne is to empower the child so that they understand themselves and they feel yes I am scared of fire works but it is okay to be scared, name it and identify the emotion or the feeling it is okay but we can do this and that to help.
Question 6:
My 3 year old daughter is terrified of wind and storms it is difficult to calm her and she sleeps very little during the storms and most nights in our bed. How can you give this parent some tips or strategies how she can empower the 3 year old when the storm is coming is there something they can do beforehand or tell her? (21:00)
Lizanne: I think it is trickier, I think with a little one we tend to always talk about having to prepare our children. I think it is very different preparing them for going on an outing, or watching the fireworks.
Then waking up in the middle of the night with a storm. There is very little preparing we can do in this situation. I think we can cause more harm when we are putting the child to bed and we say they predict there is going to be a storm tonight.
Then we might struggle to get them to sleep so in that instance I do not think that is the best thing to prepare them. Then we have to work in the moment. If the child comes to you during the night and is scared of the storm there is not much that we can do in that moment other than just comforting them.
Giving them the deep pressure, giving them the touch, using your soft toned voice soothing noises saying its okay we are safe. And identifying how we are safe we have got a roof that keeps us save we have strong walls that keep us save.
Mommy and daddy are here we are keeping you save because ultimately that is what they want to hear and then we can try and work on that during the day and not during the storm.
Things that we could do is literally practicing there are beautiful rainmakers that make noise actually eliciting a storm by using your voices by using musical instruments and just helping the child to identify what it feels like when they hear that and that it is okay that they are feeling save and to tolerate that sound and to tolerate that feeling of there heart beating, then starting to sweat. Its all about learning how to self-regulate in the moment.
But like Marga said it is important that we practice those things when they are calm and alert not in the moment.
Marga: Yes, I agree with everything you said and its also that thing of empowering a child to know what to do. To think about all the things that keep you save so you use your mind to figure out I am save I don’t have to be scared, and that makes it easier.
Somebody I know did a lovely thing, the child loves balloons and he knows how balloons burst so she would say watch the clouds they burst and that is the thunder and then we get rain, o so are the clouds bursting tonight.
My mom used to call us and say look at the display and we would stand at the window and look at the beautiful lightning and the beautiful clouds. Try and make an event of it rather than something to be scared of.
Lizanne: This reminds me we don’t want to underplay sensory temperaments but again children are looking at us when they have big feelings to know what to do with those feelings. I know I tend to be very comforting.
Question 7:
My question is not about fireworks or storms, but shopping malls my son has a very bad behavior when we visit a mall. We want to make it a pleasant family outing but it always ends up with him in tears. Could this also be sensory overload? Is it all the people or the lights? What do you think would be the reason that it is always a meltdown? (26:36)
Marga: I think it is just everything we said now and a shopping mall is usually a busy place there is usually lots of light, lots of colors, lots of shops who want to attract our attention.
And they succeed in that but they also attract the attention of these very sensitive kids. They don’t know where to look and what to focus on it is just too overwhelming. I actually had contact with an adult who had a brain injury and after that he had sensory processing disorder.
It was fascinating to me listening to him, he was so scared he cannot go into big shopping malls. So yes, all the strategies that we mentioned before, we can do for that little girl or that boy.
Try to practice go to smaller malls initially and bigger malls. But you will find a group of adults and you will find one does not want to go to malls and you will find one that will love going to malls.
They will go there for entertainment and to relax and another one that will say no I buy from the corner shop; I don’t go into malls.
Interested in learning more about the different types of sensory disorders?
Question 8:
A parent is asking is it possible to prevent sensory issues in children? My baby is almost one year old and I don’t want her to suffer as much as my older child does. Is it something that you can prevent? (28:34)
Lizanne: The research is showing us that to a certain extend that sensory processing disorder is genetic but research is also showing us that the brain is changeable we can change the brain, plasticity is the neurological term we are talking about and that is why we do what we do because we believe that even if you are born with this certain way of processing sensory information that the brain can change the way it does its processing.
So, I always say to parents when we are dealing with a sensitive little one and we work and we try and help them find ways of coping and we change the way that the brain processing information.
We are not necessarily going to end up right at the other side of the spectrum and now have a child that is not sensitive at all. That is not our goal our goal is to make them function more and for them to be able to go to the shopping mall.
Yes, they might not like it but they might be able to go there quickly and get what they need. Or they might be able to face the lightning storm or fireworks or whatever it might be.
So that is the goal and we believe that yes the brain can change, and that there is a place that we can get where they are functional and can deal with their own sensory temperament, within the fact that they don’t necessarily need to change but they can be functional.
Marga: I think the big thing is to observe your child really well and if you notice anything, step in and do something as early as possible, and teach the child strategies and help to.
There are lots of things we can do from a therapy point of view, to help those kids with different types of sensory disorders, from a very early age and directly or indirectly you help the parents as well because then life is just easier going forward.
Lizanne: I applaud my mom for looking into it early as there is always value in doing this as early as possible.