General Information
Sensitive Children in Quarantine Help Them to Adjust to Life After Quarantine Part 1
We talk a lot about daily routines with our children. We’ve been talking even more about it lately as parents have been struggling more.
Many are struggling with the adjustment and transition period between quarantine life and phasing back into the regular day. Sensitive children pick up on the struggle their parents deal with.
You already know that finding a routine that suits sensitive children is challenging. A routine that works with your child’s individual idiosyncrasies is an ongoing challenge for parents of special needs children.
The irony is that our children thrive on routine. But sometimes finding the right routine for different phases requires flexibility on our parts as parents.
You may already be some of the most experienced and thoughtful parents on the planet when it comes to finding routines that work! PLEASE send us your tips and creative ideas.
We would so appreciate this so that we can share with other parents. Parents who are early in their journeys or experiencing these difficult transitions for the first time in their lives will benefit greatly.
Post-quarantine adjustment
Now, regarding this post-quarantine adjustment. Some kids are already returning to the winter school year. For the other side of the world, children are officially on summer break. All the while parents are trying to get back into the flow of working full time.
These are major transitions. These are transitions that none of us have ever really faced before. We will all be trialing different strategies to comfort fears, set higher expectations and find a routine that works best for everyone in the family.
Let’s examine some concerns to consider and some ideas to trial as we help each other transition to life after quarantine.
One aspect of adjustment will take place as your children prepare to return to school or childcare.
Re-adjusting to a Daily Routine for Sensitive Children
Are your children are already back at school? Or will they not be going back for a few months? Either way, here are some things to consider.
Start with reviewing the school routine a week or two before school commences or daycare opens
You can go as far as putting on the school uniform in the morning, packing a lunch, and preparing a school bag. Do this daily. I even recommend that you go for a drive past the school and return home.
All of these will give your child time to adjust and understand what the new normal will be once school begins.
It will also help you to observe if there are any parts of the routine that cause challenges. In this way, you can adjust and adapt together. This will be easier while there is more time and no pressure to get to school at a certain time.
Go for an outing to use the schoolbag and lunch
For example, go for a picnic lunch or a visit to friends or family. It would be great if you were able to visit peers from school or daycare who are also preparing for the return to school. Bring the backpack and lunch.
Have lunch together, and even have a ‘show and tell’ with something you’ve brought in the schoolbag. For example: a new pencil box, new crayons, or a picture made for the teacher.
If you’re starting a new school year, such as in the US and UK, take your preparations a step further
Make sure that you have contact with the school and try to introduce the teacher. A photo might help or a Zoom “meet and greet”. This is especially true if your child has individual needs.
Also, drive past the school many times to let your little one get a feel for the new location.
Dealing with Separation Anxiety
Our children have spent a long period of time close to mum and dad during quarantine. I would expect to see signs of separation anxiety as they head back to school, camp, or daycare.
I’ve already had a few parents mention it to me. Their little ones are clinging to them longer, crying over short separations, and making it difficult to imagine separating for the whole day once again.
Here are some thoughts to consider:
- Start the adjustment back to a daily routine as soon as possible, even if it seems far off.
- Begin having excited talks about school and daycare.
- Acknowledge the child’s fears and anxiety. Name it.
Have a conversation that might go something like:
- ‘We’ll miss each other, won’t we? Where do you feel the sadness in your body?’
- ‘I have a heavy feeling in my chest when I miss you. When I do balloon breathing, it feels lighter’
- ‘Do you feel funny in your tummy when you miss me? What do you think will help?’
- ‘Yes, I like your idea, you might also try to have a good breakfast before leaving for school, then eat your lunch at school and often some exercises chase those butterflies in your tummy away. Make sure that you and your friend chase each other during break, go for a run, or if in the classroom, do chair push-ups.’
- (Chair Push Ups: Sitting with upright posture in a classroom chair, the child put his/her hands on the side of the seat. The child lifts and holds his/her bottom up off the seat for 3-5 seconds and then slowly lowers back down into the chair. Practice at home and repeat at least 10 times.)
Helping Children Who Have Fear Hearing About the Virus, and Tension from Adults Surrounding the Re-Openings
Children as young as 4 years old have likely heard parents talking about COVID-19. It may be easy for us to brush away the idea that they might know what’s really going on. However, even at this young age, children can pick up on tension and fear.
Whether or not you’ve had serious discussions with your child during quarantine about the pandemic, children understand that something has been different. And they may start asking why it’s OK to go back to school now if the “sickness” is still there. Children are programmed to always need to feel safe.
Put all in perspective, it’s best to be informed but not scared. Explain to children that there are often times in life that something frightening might happen. In those situations, we must be sensible, but not run away.
Explain to sensitive children
So, I feel that it’s OK to explain to them that children are not vulnerable to the illness. Inform them about the low likelihood of them becoming ill. Explain to them that a lot of other people were getting sick at the same time, and they closed the schools so that everyone didn’t catch it at once.
Now that doctors know more about the illness and less people are getting sick together, it’s safe to go back to school. Life must go on even when everything isn’t perfect. We should all be familiar with that concept, at least!
Encourage them to be smart. For instance: follow directions and do what is asked of you. Don’t over-react when things are done differently from before.
You may not be able to hug your friends, but at least you can see them. Remind them that this is an illness like many other illnesses – the cold, the flu, etc.
We always want to do what we can to stay healthy and help keep others healthy, too. And not only because of the virus! Eating healthy food, getting good exercise, washing your hands – we should always do these things to stay healthy!
This pandemic has simply been a great reminder to stay healthy and think of others’ health, too.
For Families That Aren’t Returning to School Right Away
We also want to address families whose children aren’t returning to school right now. In the US, for example, children are home for the summer break.
Yet parents are going back to work and need their routine again. All this while children have no real urgency to resume “normal” routines.
How do we find balance?
When Children are Competing for Attention between Parents Resuming Work
I feel as though we have been discussing routines quite a bit lately. In fact, I recommend you take a minute to watch the replay of our live Q&A with Colette Dekker. A parent asked us about how to transition children back into a routine after quarantine has ended.
Colette gave some great advice, and I echo her thoughts. Gradually make changes to the routine as you move back into a work routine. Ask your sensitive children to have “play alone” time while you work for a set amount of time.
Every few days, increase the length of time. You might have to start as low as 10 minutes in the beginning, while increasing “play alone” time to 30 minutes and an hour for older children.
They need to understand why they’ll have less time with you. But they can look at the exercise as a chance for them to explore their own interests and hobbies and creative play.
Give the child something meaningful to do while you are working. I love to say: ‘Wow, I finished this report in only 1.5 hours!’ A child wants to say something like: ‘Wow! I completed the LEGO set this afternoon!’ We all love to feel good about what we are doing, so give children the opportunity to experience those feelings too.
What are some strategies?
Keep in mind that children have to ‘work’. That is, to be involved in meaningful play to develop new skills. If they are not involved in meaningful activities, they will actively seek creativity, challenges, and unique expressions of fun. Without support, they may find unhealthy ways to keep themselves busy – and to get into trouble!
Offer meaningful activities such as:
- Being involved in the management of the house, including chores. I went into a lot of detail on importance of children getting involved with chores a few weeks ago in a blog. (The Best Chore List for Kids Helping With Housework.) Chores may not sound like fun to you or your children. However, it will be good to help them to understand that each member of the family has ‘work’ to do to contribute to the family. Your work earns money to buy things and pay for food. Their work keeps the house clean and the family fed!
- Learning experiences such as watching documentaries, visiting a virtual museum or zoo, being involved in projects such as gardening, arts. and crafts
- Social involvement. If possible, connect with friends in person. If not, create regular opportunities for virtual connections. You might buy a bead-making kit for your daughter and all her friends. Then, drop it at their homes and set up a Zoom meeting for the group to make beads together. Being involved in the same activity makes them feel involved in a social group. It gives the opportunity to be ‘together’ without having to talk all the time. (Some sensitive children would love to listen without the pressure of talking).
What are Some Other Concerns We Might Need to Address?
Keep exercise and fitness levels up
Sensitive children might be very tired when returning to long days at school. Being fit and healthy will give the energy to enjoy those days, rather than to be fatigued in the afternoon.
Focus on a healthy diet
We all know how good we feel after two weeks of eating only healthy food while drinking lots of water. Let your child experience that, too. I’m sure we’ve all let our usual standards of snacking slack a bit during quarantine. So, now is a good time to reign it in.
Give them the opportunity to de-brief in the afternoon
We want to cultivate positive thoughts about school and teachers. But we also want to know if something negative happened at school. Sometimes one can put a negative experience in perspective, even turn it into a positive one.
However, sometimes a parent needs to act. We might need to investigate what really happened and what made your little one sad or angry.
Let them be little
This is especially important when starting school for the first time or when moving to a higher grade in school. At home, give children the opportunity to listen to a favourite story from years ago.
Perhaps to sit on your lap, to cuddle in your bed, to eat a favourite dish from when they were little. Don’t be afraid of reverting back to childish activities for a little while.
Comfort is of the utmost importance during difficult transitions. It is OK, it will pass. They need time to be little at home so that they can be big at school.